Tag Archives: pain

Timeline of a Relationship

Posted by skyblueandblack on
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first he will give with no thought of reciprocity
he will shower you with gifts in endless generosity

but then he begins to expect something in return
and your questions receive a reply almost stern

“I sent a text last night and figured I’d hear from you this morning”
When it used to be 10 texts without precipitated cause or warning

the daily good mornings and good nights become less and less frequent
the excuses to see you become excuses of what he had meant

the willingness to drive for miles even to spend a few minutes together
turn into justifications due to work or traffic or the god damn weather

when social media becomes the first stop upon waking
when the giving is slowly replaced by the taking

when at first you were all he ever needed and wanted
over time he begins to take you for granted

when every other woman was invisible, all he saw was your eyes
now his eyes begin to wander, and you’re placated with lies

“she’s just a friend.. don’t you trust me?.. I only want you”  turns to
‘I don’t need this.. maybe you should do whats best for you“

this is the timeline of a relationship as it dies a slow death
and that final moment comes before you’ve even taken a breath

you grieve, and you cry and you tell yourself never again
never will you give your heart and endure so much pain

until one day another’s sweet song seduces you
he’ll tell you he’s different and his words will ring true

and he will give with no thought of reciprocity
he will shower you with gifts in endless generosity

but then…
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unfinished letter.

Posted by skyblueandblack on

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this is the path of the unfinished letter
when it began we thought it would go on forever
i always thought that we would some day get back together
spend our lives in search of the after ever

and even when I walked away
you were always in my sight
i never thought it would end like it did that night
i never thought that would be our very last fight
when you held me and cried, saying that I
should do what was best for me
even then I knew what was best was not for me to be free
but I had to leave you, I had to let you go
i had to let you figure out what it was you needed to know

you will always be one I will cherish forever
and no matter where our paths may take us
this will always be the path
of the unfinished letter
on a map, worn and tattered,
where X marks a spot we never could find ◊

 

Empty As A Reed Flute

Posted by skyblueandblack on
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You ask me why I no longer write..

∴

How do I write

when I have lost my ability to feel

lost my ability to bleed

to cry

How can I write
when the fountain has run dry

and the inkwell sits secluded.
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How can I write
when all I can do is sit and stare
at a mirror of

all that I am incapable of
in love,

laying an offering at the altar of forgiveness
trying so hard to clean up this mess
of my life.

∴
Of what do I write
when the slate is wiped clean
and the words no longer form.

∴

Of whom do I write
when they all appear like mirages,
smoky images with ghost-like visages.

 ∴

Empty as a reed flute I remain
patiently awaiting the breath of fire.

There is a distant song of longing —
I ache to listen through the mire.

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every day I forgive him

Posted by skyblueandblack on

he asked me if I forgave him..
to which I smiled and replied,

‘yes.
 every day i forgive you‘

♦

what i did not tell him was
that each morning

and every night
i have to remind myself
to forgive him

♦

i did not tell him
that I didn’t know
our last kiss would be the last

that he hadn’t given me a chance to cherish it
that I didn’t even remember
when it was
or how his lips felt against mine

that i wish I could remember that last kiss
as clearly as I remember the first
beneath that moonlit sky

but I hadn’t known it was the end of us
and it all seems so unfinished

♦

i did not tell him
of how much i miss the gaze
that used to warm my skin like sunshine
but is now hidden behind clouds

or of how I ache for the arms that used to hold me
envelop me
for now,
now my bones feel so cold

♦

I did not tell him
that
it will always hurt to think of him
it will always hurt
to see him smile
at her..
any her..
every her..

♦

and to know that he had seen my heart breaking
right in front of his eyes
that he had known of my prayers to keep him..

and simply watched

and waited

♦

every day
i forgive him

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Linger.

Posted by skyblueandblack on

He said,

physical pain leaves no memory

It is the emotional pain that lingers

As if those thoughts have the same touch,

the same impact of her fingers.

≈

It is only the beautiful memories that hurt

reminiscent of promises broken,

and the sweetness of heartfelt whispers

that will never again be spoken.

≈

It only stops hurting when you forget

when those thoughts no longer re-surface

and tearful goodbyes filled with regret

prove she didn’t hurt you on purpose

≈

And on the day you witness

what used to be your happiness

on another face,

you quickly come to realize

that your memories now belong

to the one who’s taken your place.

≈

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Like A Dagger

Posted by skyblueandblack on

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when he enters your heart like a dagger
there is no painless way out
snatch it out swiftly or gradually extract it
wavering in the ‘how’ of your needing
there is no means to stop the bleeding
*
when she enters your heart like a bullet
there is no where to escape it
lodged in your rib cage or passing straight through
wavering in the convictions of your hoping
but knowing your heart will surely be broken
*
through vacuous hopes and empty promises
and glances brimming with doubt
one day you realize you’ve been living without
and that salty tears between faltering smiles
do nothing to alleviate the daily trials
*
just as those flowers dry..  dying in their vase
that memory soon becomes a mere  trace
of a figment of someone else’s imagination
a fictitious allegory of some wise man’s creation
until one day you yourself
become that dagger upon the shelf
a bullet shot without an aim
and you enter someone else’s heart
in vain. 

follow the sun (forget him)

Posted by skyblueandblack on

sunI will follow the sun until I forget him
until there is not a single trace
until these eyes and fingers
forget the outline of his face

Rising or setting or behind clouds
I will follow the sun’s lead
tolerating the two twilights
as long as it takes to cauterize the bleed

Standing in its scorching heat
it will burn away the pain
sadness falling from the clouds
knowing a rainbow follows the rain

Back into the ocean’s womb I swim
a returning home to my Being
a gestation of evolution
a rebirthing and a freeing

And I will follow the sun until I forget him