every day I forgive him

he asked me if I forgave him..
to which I smiled and replied,

yes.
 every day i forgive you

what i did not tell him was
that each morning

and every night
i have to remind myself
to forgive him

i did not tell him
that I didn’t know
our last kiss would be the last

that he hadn’t given me a chance to cherish it
that I didn’t even remember
when it was
or how his lips felt against mine

that i wish I could remember that last kiss
as clearly as I remember the first
beneath that moonlit sky

but I hadn’t known it was the end of us
and it all seems so unfinished

i did not tell him
of how much i miss the gaze
that used to warm my skin like sunshine
but is now hidden behind clouds

or of how I ache for the arms that used to hold me
envelop me
for now,
now my bones feel so cold

I did not tell him
that
it will always hurt to think of him
it will always hurt
to see him smile
at her..
any her..
every her..

and to know that he had seen my heart breaking
right in front of his eyes
that he had known of my prayers to keep him..

and simply watched

and waited

every day
i forgive him

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Living Proof

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Time and time again
life will prove to you how fragile and rare is Trust,
and how valuable when found.

It will prove to you
that many people will disappoint you
and hurt you;
and how important it is to hold on to those that don’t;
how important it is to hold on
to those who can taste your tears through the kisses,
and then kiss them away.

It will reveal to you
that there is nowhere to go to escape from heartache,
that it will hurt deeper and stronger each time;
even though, each time,
you thought you had mastered the pain.
But pain is not meant to be mastered
— it is meant to conquer ‘you’,
— it is meant to reveal you.

Life will manifest to you
that heartbreak is a lesson we must learn,
and that its only teachers are those we have loved.

It will show you
that sometimes
it takes a smack in the face with a boulder
to finally see things as they truly are;
and we realize we can lie to ourselves for only so long.

Life will prove to you
that sadness is only one of two wings;
and that we need both wings to fly.

That at the end,
and in the end,
there is only God and you…

…and that is sufficient.

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In Dreams..

dancingIn dreams
he loves me ~
he looks at me with those seductive eyes
that take me on flights along emerald skies

In dreams
he touches me
and I melt with desire
his hands and his kisses light me on fire

In dreams
he takes me
on trips to France and Italy ~
we dance the night away and
dine on the finest cuisines,
sipping champagne
in chauffeured limousines

Then I awaken…
…and have to get ready for work.

Measured Sips

hands2

What did these hands do before they held your hand..
They must have been resting idly;
waiting for that perfect fit, the perfect span
that leaves my heart beating wildly.

What did these lips do before they got lost in your lips..
They must have remained sealed, and grim;
waiting for you to drink my soul in measured sips,
from a chalice eternally filled to the brim.

What did these eyes do before they beheld your eyes..
They must have gazed into total darkness;
waiting for a light from emerald skies,
to obliterate the utter starkness.

What did my mornings consist of
before I woke up next to you..
your tousled hair and your dreamy eyes,
your arms around me,
my legs between your steel-hard thighs.

What did my time consist of
before I spent it in your presence..
For now ~ during the times you are away,
I linger in your essence.

 

 

 

I will always remember

 

sunset
I will always remember
standing next to you~
the way your hand glides over my back
slowly caressing..
soothing..
teasing,
then retreating..

sitting near you
as you read
engrossed in words,
your mind in a place far away.
Sometimes
you will read to me,
and I love the sound of your voice.
So often it seems
I have heard your voice
long before you spoke to me

When I feel sad and alone ~
as if you sense my somber wistfulness,
you take my hand in yours,
intertwine your fingers with mine,
and hold them..
gently yet firmly.
you bring my fingers to your lips
and kiss them.

I will always remember
the way you kiss me,
the way you hold my mouth
between your thumb and fingers
and draw my lips towards yours
as if you are claiming ownership,
ownership
and I so want to be claimed by you.
Nothing else matters at that moment,
when I can feel you smile
in the middle of that kiss..
knowing you have
all of me.
and I can’t help but also smile..

our morning coffee
our books
our music
~ our silence ~
your arms around me
the warmth
your eyes
your smile
~ the light ~
my joy

our yesterdays
and
tomorrows

First Kiss

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. 
It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; 
because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” 
~ Emil Ludwig

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♦◊♦

the first kiss
makes me sad
because I can never again
replicate that feeling of passionate anticipation,
that pure unknowingness of a life altering expectation,
that can only come before
the first kiss

◊♦◊

“In one kiss, you’ll know all I haven’t said.”
~Pablo Neruda

◊♦◊
but every kiss thereafter
bears within each breath exchanged
an offering ~
the seed of immortality
a promise
that unites two souls
for eternity.
♦◊♦

“We are all mortal until the first kiss …”
~Eduardo Galeano

Longing..

hema

I want to do away
with worry and fear…
inhaling deeply
letting the sharp salt air
permeate through my lungs

I want to look out
where the sky meets the waves
at the water’s edge
in a brazen, passionate kiss~
a wanton embrace
at its farthest horizon

I want to look up
and be blinded by the brazen sun,
forcing me to close my eyes
and bathe in its warmth
listening to its solitudinous soliloquy

I want to read  to my hearts content.
I want to write ~
write
until my mind becomes a blank canvas..
pouring,
emptying
releasing everything,
bleeding gold and silver
onto pristine parchment,
.. and having the golden sun bathe it
in crimson
as it sets.

I want to paint with the Master Artist along the azure sky,
our brush strokes illuminating the hues
of sunset and twilight,
and moonlight;
the reds, oranges, pale pinks and yellows and lilacs;
our hands resting into the deepest blacks in the depth of night
the stars, sparkling like diamonds

I want to be in flight
and chase the sunset
and the sunrise,
and mark the time
by the passing of the two twilights.

I want Love.
I want You.