every day I forgive him

he asked me if I forgave him..
to which I smiled and replied,

yes.
 every day i forgive you

what i did not tell him was
that each morning

and every night
i have to remind myself
to forgive him

i did not tell him
that I didn’t know
our last kiss would be the last

that he hadn’t given me a chance to cherish it
that I didn’t even remember
when it was
or how his lips felt against mine

that i wish I could remember that last kiss
as clearly as I remember the first
beneath that moonlit sky

but I hadn’t known it was the end of us
and it all seems so unfinished

i did not tell him
of how much i miss the gaze
that used to warm my skin like sunshine
but is now hidden behind clouds

or of how I ache for the arms that used to hold me
envelop me
for now,
now my bones feel so cold

I did not tell him
that
it will always hurt to think of him
it will always hurt
to see him smile
at her..
any her..
every her..

and to know that he had seen my heart breaking
right in front of his eyes
that he had known of my prayers to keep him..

and simply watched

and waited

every day
i forgive him

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Penance.

I must apologize to you
for thinking of you as the man of my dreams
when you did not choose to be-
for making you the love of my life,
for wanting to be your wife.
I am so very sorry
for all of my attempts
and all my wasted efforts
in building you into something you were not;
You hit the ground with such a thump
from atop that pedestal you fell from.
I hope you can forgive me
for seeing the light in your eyes
that took away all my darkness,unnamed-1
for making you my one,
but now its all undone.
I stand before you bare
as I humbly seek your pardon,
for as I burdened you with my love
I neglected to tend my own garden.
How could I be so wrong,
How could I be so stupid,
always being there for you,
forcing you to take me for granted,
and not being what you wanted.
This is my mea culpa
I seek penance for my crime,
And pray you can absolve me
as I gift you back your time.

And Love Remains

 

bud

She dusted you off her shoulder
something she noticed out of the corner of her eye,
a nuisance flake that looked like a blurried boulder,
brushed off without so much as a goodbye.

but love remains..

He sends you a text message
or calls you on the phone;
his promises were a hollow pledge,
he hangs up, and you’re alone.

but Love remains..

You feel your spirit start to wither
and you realize you must forgive her.
You feel your soul dying from within
and you realize you must forgive him.

And Love remains
even when he leaves,
that’s how you can love again.
Love remains
even after she leaves,
that’s why you can love again

He gave you his heart
tied with a pretty bow,
you opened it and found a box of pain.
She gave you her heart
delicately placed in folds of silk and satin,
you opened it and found a box of rain.

Yet Love remains
even when he leaves
that’s how you can love again.
Love remains
even after she leaves
that’s why you can love again

Deep within all the pain,
time passes..
and Love remains.

 

Over You

 

pain

I can no longer bear
to look into your lying eyes;
there is such  deep sadness
when love dies

I can no longer bear
to be held in your cheating arms;
the beautiful hands that once held mine
have lost all their charm

I can no longer bear
to hold a place in your misleading heart;
my heart once held you in such high graces
but you pierced it with a fickle dart

I gave you all I had
and I suffered all the pain;
You took it all for granted
It was all for your gain

All this time you deceived me,
letting you was my mistake.
And somehow I forgive you,
for my own sake

Now when I say my final goodbye
suddenly you want to apologize;
you want to be my ‘everything’
but I no longer choose to agonize..

..over you.