A Day of Rain & Contemplation

arch rain
the sky outside is gray, threatening.. ominous

the rain pours in a vengeance and a fury

like a lover trying to express emotions that words can not convey

and so he hopes the intensity of his eyes will speak for him.

but a storm is still a storm..

and it carries within it a foreboding of fear

heaven is weeping

It has been a day of deep contemplation,

a day of heart ache and sadness

a perusing through a hazy window into moments shared between two lovers;

one almost feels inappropriate..

and looks  away..

thru window

but the images are there, already carved and engraved..
standing like  memorial statues

   i wished i had not seen them

      i wished they weren’t there

          wishing they would disappear

             wishing you would make them disappear

each time I saw a picture I liked

or an image i was drawn to,

there it was..

   a conversation,

      a clue as to who was behind the camera

the one behind the camera is just as significant as the one in front of it.

and so I looked, and I looked..

I was in the rain

immersed myself in it,

it immersed itself in me..

rain in stairwell

and I bathed in the pain..
inwardly and outwardly
soaked myself in its cleansing downpour
in an effort to put out the fire
remove the discomfort, the ‘shock’
the blow to the senses
the constriction in the heart
the hollowness in the stomach
to fill the ache..

Trying to accept,
to come to terms with something that I had nothing to do with,
and that had nothing to do with me.

I do not begrudge you your happy moments
your deep connections
your heart to hearts
your joys and your inspirations
and your lessons learned..

So why should it matter? Why does it matter?

 it does.

and I wait for you to walk outside

and bring an umbrella


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