Life Lessons 2010 – a work in progress..

  1. 1. Happiness is temporary, and it is meant to be, so that it is appreciated when it comes.
  2. Not everyone will like you, but thats okay. It doesn’t decrease you one bit. It decreases them.
  3. Just because I think its perfect, or right, or true.. doesn’t mean that it is. Or if it is, it may not be so for everyone.
  4. There are people who will believe what they want to believe.. and nothing you can say or do will alter their thinking. We have been given numerous examples of them in all the religious texts.. Still, do your part. But stop when you realize that you are not being heard. At that point, arguing becomes for the sake of argument and the lesson is lost.
  5. Not every lesson is meant for everyone. Some people will not understand and may not be meant to understand. Everyone plays the role they are meant to play.
  6. You should never give up and never give in. Do everything you possibly can.. but in the end, let go and let God.
  7. Appreciate everyone. Even the worst of people can teach us valuable lessons in how to live, how not to live, and how not to become that which we despise. Everything and everyone is a lesson, directly or indirectly. The person you hate could be sacrificing their happiness for yours.. you just don’t know.
  8. Love never dies. Period. Selfish love will die, because the person loves themselves more than they love the other. True love lasts.
  9. Sometimes the people we care about most in life are taken from us too soon. But there is a plan and a purpose to every meaningful encounter.
  10. We are all intertwined and interconnected, somewhere, somehow.. even if we never realize it. Our lives are a mesh that hold each and every one of us together. That is why selfishness is so destructive. It causes a rip and de-stabilizes the whole. Everyone is important. Everyone.
  11. Some people come into our lives like a tornado.. appearing out of nowhere, causing destruction, then disappearing leaving us to clean up the mess.. to rebuild. Forgive them anyway.
  12. When I thought I knew what love was, God took it away and gave me a greater love. I thought I knew what pain was, but God took away that greater love and gave me a greater pain. I’ve come to understand and accept that I know nothing; and will never again claim knowledge.
  13. Never compromise your principles. Honor is not subjective nor is it temporary or specific to time and place. Honor is always. It is when times are most difficult that our principles should come into play. Nothing is more important.
  14. Sometimes its okay to be angry. But its never okay to be cruel.
  15. Cruelty from loved ones is painful.. but their silence is worse.
  16. Sometimes “I’m Sorry” is inadequate.. even an insult at times. Say it anyway.
  17. .

A Letter You Will Never Read

.….. I feel myself slowly dying.

I hate this feeling. I hate this lack of control over my emotions.
I hate that I pick up my phone every two minutes to see if you had texted.. or maybe called. Even though I know there will be nothing there.
There are moments when I think I’m okay.. that I can handle it.. and I go about my day. I keep myself busy at work, with my family, watching tv… But as soon as I am by myself, as soon as I am left with my thoughts, I find myself sobbing uncontrollably. To the point that I can’t even see through my tears. I don’t even feel these tears coming.. they just burst forth from someplace so, so deep within me.
I realize that I love you from that place.. a place I never knew existed nor do I know how to get to on my own. You are more than my mirror, my kindred soul.. you are the echo of myself. It took this pain, this sorrow, to get me there.

I miss you so much.
Its like my closest and best friend has died. I know I have to go through this mourning.. this pain. I know and accept that I will be sad. And sometimes angry. But mostly sad. There is a deep, dark hollowness within my core. It leaves me restless.. anguished.. waiting.. But what am I waiting for? There is nothing to wait for.

I ask myself questions I already know the answers to.
Why did you leave me?
Why didn’t you fight for me?
Why aren’t we together?
Why aren’t you calling me?
Why is this so unfair?
There are so many why’s.

I know this will get easier over time. Experience teaches us that we heal. Time heals all wounds, they say.
There are times when I can’t wait for time to heal me, to help me forget..
And then there are times when I don’t want to forget.. when I want to hold on to this pain forever; as if I am holding on to you forever.
I want to hate you.
I want to forget you.
Pretend you never existed.
No, I don’t.
I can’t.
Its impossible.